Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dear Self...

March 9th, 2010

Dear Self,

I am writing you this letter as a reminder. IF ever the day comes that you feel that you’ve got it “together,” don’t take yourself too seriously. Humble yourself and remember that it was not always that easy.

Today you woke up to find your left eye messed up. Again. This has gone on for three weeks now.

Today, you wore your dress completely backward to work. While you thought it felt unusually uncomfortable, it still took you until almost noon to figure out what the problem was.

Today you chipped a chunk out of your front tooth while scarfing down lunch. Add trip to dentist to the one million things that need to be done this week.

Today you realized that regardless of how hard you try, you really are so helpless. You admitted that these days, things are just tougher than they used to be. And as blessed as your life is, you actually wasted the rest of your day feeling sorry for yourself.

These days you meet yourself coming and going. You go to bed exhausted and wake up exhausted. These are the days that you are trying to recover from a broken nose, pleurisy and whatever is going on with your eye during the same month.

These are the days of packing lunches, and scrambling to get the kids out the door and a dog in the crate. These are the days that you cry all the way back from a listing appointment because in your state of frenzy you forgot to drop off your daughter’s lunch.

These are the days of dropping everything to rush a toddler in with a double ear infection….of waiting in the car line for the medicine for what seems like hours while the kids cry, fight, and destroy your car right behind your seat.

These are the days that no matter how hard you work to get the house clean, the tornado comes shortly after…the days that the only time to do laundry and housework is after you get home, feed, bathe and tuck everyone in. These are the days that when you kiss and tuck in, you sometimes fall asleep…waking up at midnight to the work you needed to do and lay back down at 3. These are the days that you lie in bed for another hour before sleeping because you are planning the order of events in your head for tomorrow to make sure you can get everything done.

These are the days of wondering if you are even on the right path and praying desperately for God's direction.

These are the days that you wonder if your parenting skills are adequate for equipping your kids to be a light in a dark world and you pray for the Lord’s return. These are the days that you go to ballgames and watch the teenagers and wonder, what will it be like by the time my kids are in high school?

These are the days that I spend hours brainstorming with my husband…the days of dragging the kids with us to his office on Saturdays to clean and work in the office…the days of feeling guilty when we sneak off from the kids for a date every now and then.

These are the days that I feel so blessed, yet so broken down.

Thank you Lord for these days.

Because these are the days that my children are little and laughing…the days that they reach milestones like losing a front tooth and learning to read...the days that they need me for everything, the days that they light up when their parents walk through the door at the end of the day.

These are the days that they cuddle up to me, and fight over who lays next to me before asking me to “just get in the middle.” These are the days that they play too rough until someone gets hurt, tattle, then hug and make up.

These are the days of watching them discover new things…of making them eat their vegetables, and of teaching them bible stories. These are the days that I can give them baths and smell them all night…the days that I can plan their birthday parties and still pick out what they wear.

These are the days that I catch myself staring at them and just savoring the moment…the days that I look at pictures from last year and cry because of how quickly they grow and change. These are the days that I laugh out loud and write down the funny and sweet things they say.

These are the days that I don’t have to struggle alone…thank you Lord for Mario.

These are the days that I always dreamed of…of being a wife and mother. Thank you Lord, for these gifts.

Thankfully Mario talked me into going to Community Group. We are doing a great study on marriage and the book Intimate Allies. We got into a great discussion about not wishing our days away. It seems like so often we are bogged down and we catch ourselves saying, “If I can just get through this day…” or this week or whatever we might say. It was a great reminder that even on our worst days we should be intentional about looking for something positive and not wishing our days away looking to the next one.

There’s a song I hear sometimes that says,
“You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this”

You may feel helpless today, but the Lord your God fights for you and surrounds you with songs of deliverance!


But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me. Psalm 13:5-6


The Garners said...

Best post ever, Mic. Loved it. YOU DO A GREAT JOB BALANCING IT ALL!

Every night I go to bed with a list of small regrets...nothing just super huge, but just stuff like: why did I get so upset when R cried after school about not going to "do something fun like get a milkshake" or why did I get mad when R & A shared a piece of cake after school and most of it ended up on the CLEAN floor. Or why did I read Facebook updates (I hate Facebook) instead of playing "King" with Rhett? Why did I ignore Lane when he came in the door because I was so busy trying to get the kids' dinner and clean up the kitchen at the same time? Why did I yell at R for wanting to change PJs after his shower when he'd only been wearing the other ones for about an hour and they weren't dirty? The list goes on and on and on. And I vow to try to do better the next day, fall asleep exhausted, wake up exhausted--just like you said--and start the whole process of "messing up" all over again. I wondered tonight if I really take praying for the kids seriously. If I really listen to a word Lane says anymore. If I am ever going to get serious about exercising and trying to be healthier myself--when is there time for that?--etc. etc. I guess all this to say, you're not alone!!!

On a brighter note, you're gonna LOVE the Pioneer Woman cookbook!! If you ever get time to look at it, that is. :) Love you.

Watts Family said...

Wow...great post. Thanks for sharing, I needed that. Have a great spring break!

Julie said...

Aww, wonderful post! You made my day girl. I just got home from running Luke's lunch to school (that I forgot) and was wondering if I was the only Mom who cried over this. I don't always give thanks for the crazy days as I should. But you are so right one day (probably way too soon) we will wish these days back. We are so blessed to travel along this journey known as motherhood. Thanks for the post hope this day is going well for ya:)

the Fosters said...

I LOVE this post!!!! It sounds like my days half the time too. And we don't want them to go away really, do we?
So glad we are in CG together. You and Mario bring so much joy to us and our group. You are doing awesome as a mother, wife, and all of the above. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves to slow down and just breathe! Love ya girl!!!

Lindy said...

Thank you so much for this. I found you thru Kelly's Korner and have very much enjoyed reading your blog. I am a mother of two, a four year old little girl and a 6 month old little boy and never feel good enough. I thank God for all the things I need to get done. It means my family is alive and well and I am so thankful that they need me. But truth is, I need them more. Again thanks for your honesty.

His Doorkeeper said...

Micaela, You are just precious! You, Jamie and Kelly all remind me of each other: wonderful, loving , caring wives and mothers!! You are totally normal wondering if you are doing the right thing for your children,etc. As your children grow you will learn that everything you do right OR wrong will not make or break your child. Just keep praying for them and loving them and the rest will fall into place!! You are one terrific woman!!

P.S. You will love your PW cookbook! I just love to look at the pictures in it! You may use it to cook!!

Jacquie said...

I just LOVED this post, Micaela. You're brutally honest, and I love that. You expressed every feeling EVERY mother has almost daily. I know you've heard it before from me, but as a Mom who has already seen that stage of life come and go... it really does fly by and you will not be looking back at the day, but at the month or the year or the decade and wish you would've been better. But, I just know, with a heart like yours, you will be able to look back and smile because you really are keeping your perspective even in the wildest of times... your words are proof.

I just love you and your wardrobe malfunctions! Ha!!

Becke' said...

This truly is a beautiful post. It helped me, I promise! :)

Morris Family said...

WOW!!! You have just inspired me to look at my days a lot better than just wanting to "get thru them". This was a wonderful post and yes, it is a struggle when you feel like (or I do) that you are the only one that can make everything happen just right for the members in your household. But we, as moms, have to give that feeling up and just let the little stuff like cleaning house cause you know that tornado will come thru that door at any minute and just love the one that IS the tornado!!!